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October 10 2001
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October 10 2001

Introducing Alley Blaire, a combination of annoying women I have met over the years. You know when you meet a woman who patronizes you without realizing how offensive she's truly being? That's what Alley represents to me. That's right, that's Alley as in "I want to take you to a dark alley a pound your ignorant skull in" alley.

Can I just ask when Amy Tan became the spokes person for all Asian American experience? I'm sure there are other authors or historians who have a much broader perspective. But I only hear about Amy Tan. Anytime I ever mention that I'm half Chinese, I get the "Oh, did you read the Joy Luck Club?" Anytime my mom mentions that she grew up in San Fransisco and came from China when she was very young, she gets the "Oh, it must have been like the Joy Luck Club." No, for the record, it was not like the Joy Luck Club. And no, I have not read the book. I did see the movie and I thought it was a piece of stinking monkey turd, but that is no reflection on the book. Hollywood often screws up books when they are brought to the big screen.

But back to my original point. It seems that America's view of its Asian brothers is limited to Bruce, Jackie, Jet, Chow, Chan, Kane (who wasn't even Asian), and Amy. Oh sure, there was Suzie Wong and "Flower Drum Song" where they sang a rendition of a song entitled "Chop Suey," but I'll leave the Dragon Lady stereotype for latter. I want it to be very clear that you cannot base an entire population's experience in this country entirely upon one book. That's like saying all white people are like David Duke. So please, don't confront every Asian American you meet with the Amy Tan questions. There's more to us than just one book. I, for one, will attack you with some Crouching Tiger chop socky!

Tomorrow I will unveil my "Thank You" piece for the wonderful hits I've been getting. If you'd like a copy of it, I'll post details on how to get yours tomorrow. 'Til then, thanks for watching.

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